Do they know its Christmas time at all?

Another year goes by and so there another office Christmas party takes place. We had ours last Friday and it was a fun night. A good dinner, plenty of beers, a decent band belting out the best songs of 20 years ago and a good group of people. In my 9 years of my working life, I have always had a great time on these things, even though there are plenty of potential snags that can bring the best of careers to a sketching halt. Just a quick google search on the web can generate a hundred tales of woe.

So to educate the masses, which is what I do, I have come up with my definitive list of how to enjoy yourself at the party without killing your career.

Here are the seven rules of Christmas Party edicate

1. Do attend: I cannot believe the number of people who don’t like going to the Christmas Party. In my team of 4, I was the only one who rocked up. Pretty poor effort in my opinion. Some people seem to think their non-attendance at the Christmas Party is like a protest vote. They think "I don’t like the company so I am not going to go to the Christmas Party" will show the company their displeasure. Not quite the case people. Managers don’t care; they are still getting boozy. Go, have fun and drink some beer on the boss.

2. Drink: Nothing like someone rocking up to the Christmas Party and staying cold sober the entire time. No one likes a party pooper. You don’t have to get drunk (though it helps), but get into the spirit and you will have a lot more fun. Besides, it’s free!

3. If you are going to pash someone, do it discretely: Kissing the hot HR chick on the dance floor might gain you plenty of kudos from your workmates, but when the photo gets back to the wife and/or husband, its not going to do anyone any favours. Keep it away from the public eye. And remember the fateful words, "What happens at the Chrissy party, stays at the Chrissy party"

4. Hugs are fine: Its amazing what a bit of alcohol can do to the friendship levels. That anal accountant who gives you a glare in the lift yesterday now suddenly announces that he is your new best friend. If he wants to give you a hug, what’s the harm? Might make it a little easier to get that next cab charge when you need it. Just watch out for the grope!

5. Dance: After the inevitable speeches, dodgy gifts and the Managing Director has thanked you for another year of soul destroying labour, the cover band or DJ will start up the 80’s hits. Time to boogie. This is where the best fun of the Christmas party occurs. If you have rhythm, by tripping the light fantastic on the dance floor, your value in the company will rise. The lads will say, bloody hell, this guys a bit of a player; I might invite him to the next pub effort. The chicks will say, hey, he can dance, he might be good in bed, and he’s worth inviting to the next company drinks.
If you can’t dance, still get up there and have some fun. Everyone can do the 80’s shuffle and knows the actions to "YMCA" You will still be 100% better off than the staid folk who sit at the tables by themselves.

6. Don’t tell the boss what you think…about work: At some stage at the Christmas Party, you will have to talk to the boss while under the influence. If you do, talk about anything but work. Say his cricket team sucks; his football team is ordinary or even that his dress sense leads a lot to be desired. Still on safe grounds. But if you question his management, there are real problems. To say St George Rugby League Club is ordinary may hurt your boss, but is a perfectly valid thing to say at a Christmas Party and easily forgotten But to say you think his management sucks is something he is bound to remember in the cold hard light of sobriety.

7. Go home.. Unless you are single: Now this is the big one. The band is a memory; the ugly lights have been switched on. Someone is talking about a pub up the road, or worse, a nightclub a block away. Unless you are single, go directly home. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Refuse all tempting offers home from women bearing lifts. You are not in the right spirit to make correct decisions at this stage so go home to your girl/guy who is there with comforting words and sleepy cuddles. You’ll thank me in the morning.

So there it is. The 7 rules of Christmas party fun that will ensure you are invited to the next one and won’t be greeted by shamed looks/sacking on Monday morning and/or a letter from the divorce lawyer.