Is posting/liking on social media cheating?

I was listening to Kyle and Jackie O on Friday (28/04/2022) where they were interviewing some US podcasters who run a pod cast called Fresh & Fit Podcast. Seems like a standard male podcast that focusses on dating from a male perspective.

So far, so normal.

Anyway, the thing that caused the grief was the claim, from the podcasters that women in committed relationships should not be on Instagram, and be posting "thirst trap" bikini shots as it is a form of cheating or can lead to cheating.

Yet the podcasters seem to claim that men could still be on Instagram without penalty. It was just women that needed to self police their behaviour.

Cue outrage from Jackie O about the double standard, where women cant post, but men can.

Now obviously this is just one podcasters opinion, but it does lead to some interesting questions.

1. Why do women post bikini pictures on Instagram/social media?

2. What is infidelity in the modern world and does posting scantily clad pictures fit that definition?

3. Are women or men more prone to cheating?

4. Does the transformation from single woman, to serious relationship women require adjustments in social media profiles

5. Do the podcasters have a point.

In regards to question 1, there has been some research as to why women post selfies. Comes down to 4 main reasons, in order

1. Communication (i.e a a picture is worth a thousand words)

2. Attention seeking (get likes/appreciation)

3. Archiving (record a moment)

4. Entertainment (pass the time)

Now in regards to bikini shots, women would be either using it for attention seeking/entertainment (i.e get likes from friends and strangers), or to document a holiday they are on (would fall into Archiving or communication).

So whether posting bikini pics is bad or not is contextual. If it isn't for communication or archival purposes, it is likely to be for male/female attention, which might indicate a red flag in the relationship.

There has been some research to suggest that the greater number of selfies posted, the more negative affect on real life relationships...mainly due to the Jealousy affect of other users likes/reactions as the difference between the heavily curated online presence vs the reality of every day persona. But it is difficult to detect whether the number of selfies influences the relationship or the relationship influences the number of selfies. Likely to be a feedback mechanism involved.

In regards to questions 2,  Infidelity has been defined as a violation of a couples emotional or sexual exclusivity. But what defines that violation depends on the couples own values as well as society norms. For example, a couple in an "open" relationship  might not be concerned about sexual exclusivity, but extremely concerned about any emotional attachments with others.

In regards to a female positing pictures and receiving likes, a lot would depend on their partners acceptance of that behaviour as appropriate. As far as society norms however, most people would say that posting photos is not necessarily cheating, as it is to a broad audience, but direct messaging (DMs) would be. (survey is from 2017)

In regards to Question 3, according to research out of the US, men are more likely to report that they cheat, to the tune of 20% as opposed to women, who report 13%. That could be reporting bias however. Women are also more likely to cheat in the younger years (i.e 18-29 age, they report 11% cheating to 10% for men...the only time women are more likely than men to cheat). That said, young people are less likely to cheat than older adults

So up until age 29, the peak age of women on instagram, there is some evidence to suggest women are more likely to cheat than men, which would indicate some conccerns with instagram photos.

In regards to question 4, socially, women are expected to change when they enter a committed relationship, as are men. Behaviours that were acceptable as a single person are no longer tolerated as a member of a relationship...this can involve drinking, excessive partying, drug use, gambling and other risk taking/extraverted behaviours. It is fair to suggest that less tolerance of certain behaviours would also migrate to the digital world. One of those could include flirtatious behaviour on-line.

So the podcasters do have an element of truth here. It was badly explained, but there is an argument to suggest that posting sexy selfies as a member of a committed relationship is not appropriate for some people. But like everything, it should probably be decided by the two people within those relationships rather than blanket rules.